


If Anything at All, Just Believe

by Kellyscams



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Political Animals
Genre: Cock Warming, Couch Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fights, Kissing, Light Angst, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Light Petting, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Past Drug Addiction, Sexual Content, Sobriety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-04 17:19:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellyscams/pseuds/Kellyscams
Summary: After getting into a big fight with his boyfriend, Steve Rogers, TJ Hammond is sure that this is the end of them. But it turns out, Steve isn't going to let go that easily.





	If Anything at All, Just Believe

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: For your fic fest may I request more TJ/Johnny Storm? Or TJ/Steve? With some mild TJ angst and sexy times and cuddles after? Possibly a fight, your choice!

TJ flings his phone onto the couch and grumbles to himself. His cell only stays there for a few seconds before he snatching it up to dial Steve’s number again. Once again, he gets the same results. Five rings and then Steve’s voicemail. Not even Steve’s voice. Just that generic woman telling him the number he’s called is unavailable and to leave a message. 

He doesn’t bother. That’d be the third voicemail if he did anyway. That, along with the several texts he’s sent, probably bordered on pathetic. But TJ’s been trying to get in touch with Steve all day with no luck every time. Steve hasn’t answered his calls and hasn’t responded to any of his texts. The only saving grace is that nothing’s gone _directly_ to voicemail. This, at least, leaves TJ with the option of pretending that maybe Steve’s just busy. Or forgot his phone. Or has it only silence and just… and just… 

“Holy shit, what is wrong with me?”

If TJ can’t find a way to fix this, he’s sure he’s going to lose Steve for good. To be fair, he figured this relationship would end sooner or later. No way would a man like Steve “Captain America” Rogers want to stay with a fuck up like TJ Hammond and all the drama he towed behind him. In what world would anyone like Steve Rogers end up with him anyway. None. TJ’d made his bed. With short sheets and torn blankets and flat pillows. Now, he had to sleep in it. 

Phone in his trembling hand, TJ hits send once more time. After this call, he’d stop bugging Steve. 

“H-hey, Steve,” TJ says once his voicemail connects. “It’s… it’s me. TJ. Listen, I know… I know I fucked this all up. I’m sorry. Maybe we can still be friends. I’d really like that. I- I didn’t mean to hurt you, Steve, I swear. It’s okay if you don’t call back or anything, I’d understand. Um. Just… thank you for being so good to me. I…” 

They haven’t said this to each other. Not yet. But TJ’s brain and heart have been playing ping-pong with the emotion. Sending it back and forth throughout his entire body. If he doesn’t say it now, he may never get another chance. 

“I love you, Steve Rogers.” It hurts to say it out loud without Steve being here. “Goodbye.” 

TJ ends the call. 

For a moment or two, he just stands there in his living room, phone clenched in his hand. Everything feels wrong. Empty. Numb. 

Outside, it’s just started to snow. Tiny snowflakes hit the window, finding an invisible barrier that kept them out no matter how they tried. Normally, TJ liked the snow. Not the cold, but the snow. Snow was beautiful. Unique, every time it fell. Made it good for thick socks. Kindling fires. Cups of cocoa. 

Today, TJ doesn’t even look at it out the window. He just lowers himself onto the couch Stares at nothing. Sees nothing but a watery film courtesy of all the fresh tears. 

Things had been so good, too. Ever since meeting Steve at the White House seven months ago. 

TJ knew that Steve would be there. General Rhodes had been receiving an award from the president, so all the Avengers were. After all the speeches and medals, there was a fancy supper. TJ stayed more out of obligation than actually wanting to. He smiled for the cameras and answered questions. Played the good, gay son of politicians. TJ’s not bad at that part. He knows how to pretend. 

He made sure not to make a spectacle of himself. At twenty months sober, he figured he could handle that. The food was good. TJ had the steak. The soda was plentiful. The people were more or less okay. Certain ones he didn’t mind. Others he’d soon rather avoid. TJ spent most of his time there at the table. Except when he needed a refill. 

It was hard walking up to the bar and make sure he didn’t ask them to put anything other than cola in his drink. TJ managed throughout the night though. When he’d gone back up there, for what he assumed would be his last drink before finally getting the hell out of there, he never expected to turn around and slam right into a wall of muscle all wrapped up in a beautiful suit. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” TJ started to apologize. “I didn’t see--” 

“No, no, it was my fault. I shouldn’t’ve…”

But he trailed off right there. When TJ looked up, realizing he’d just walked into Captain America, his eyes went wide. Which was nothing compared to the way Steve looked at him. Face ashen. Jaw dropped. Eyes bugged. Steve looked at TJ like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Um.” TJ scratched the back of his head. “I’m--”

“TJ Hammond,” he said. “I know. I’m sorry, I’m being rude. I’m Steve.”

“Right. I kinda guessed that.” 

“Yeah.” Steve stared a little longer and then pointed. “I made you spill your drink. Can I get you another?” 

What was meant to be TJ’s final drink turned out to be the first of many spent in Steve’s company. The conversation just never ran dry. They kept making each other laugh. They kept shifting closer to each other. They kept finding small ways to touch each other. 

Captain America turned out to be nothing like the world wanted people to believe. He knew how to use technology just as good as anyone else. There was nothing simple about him. He had his beliefs and values, and he stuck to them. He had suffered unbearable loss. 

When Steve took out the compass he always had on him, he showed TJ the picture of Peggy Carter he’d had since the war. Steve said he never took it out of the compass because Peggy always pointed him in the right direction. Steve also carried a pocket watch. In that, Steve kept a picture of Bucky Barnes. 

“My time with him was precious,” Steve said before he opened the watch. “It ended so quickly.” 

As soon as Steve showed him, TJ understood why he first looked at him like he’d seen a ghost. TJ looked _remarkably_ like Bucky Barnes. If he’d ever gone to that Smithsonian exhibit, he probably would have known that. It was almost like looking into a mirror. There were some differences, of course, but not much. 

“Wow,” TJ whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“What on earth for?” 

“If I’m bothering you. This can’t be easy.”

“It’s actually very easy,” Steve said. “I like you, TJ. _You_. I’m not looking for anyone to replace Bucky.” 

As much as TJ’s tried to believe that, it apparently hasn’t worked. The idea that the only reason Steve enjoyed his company because he looked so much like Bucky Barnes has kept him up, trembling with worry on so many nights. He probably should’ve just discussed it with Steve. 

Instead, he let it continue to eat away at him. Day after day after day. Until last night. When a silly slip of the tongue, the one and only time it’s happened in all their time together, and Steve accidentally called TJ by Bucky’s name. 

Even worse, it wasn’t during some intimate moment. No lovemaking or kissing. Not even cuddling. Steve just asked him to pass the salt while they were cooking. Only he didn’t ask TJ, he asked Bucky. 

The words knocked the breath right out of TJ’s lungs. Practically knocked him off his feet, too, while Steve snorted at the blunder and simply corrected himself. He even held his hand out, waiting for the salt. TJ couldn’t hand anything over to him. He just stood there, horrified. 

“Teej?” Steve turned around then. “TJ? Baby, what’s the matter?” 

TJ can’t remember what he said after that. All he knows is that there’d been a ton of screaming. Mostly from him while Steve tried to get him to calm down. Steve might have the patience of a saint, but it isn’t endless and eventually, he snapped right back at him. So many things just exploded. Every insecurity burst out of him. The cork flying out and spilling spoiled champagne everywhere. 

Whatever he said made Steve so angry and fed up with him that an hour later he stormed out. 

Steve hasn’t talked to him since. 

TJ hasn’t moved off the couch since he sat on it. He barely even remembers when he actually sat. All he’s done is stare into space. 

Purple shadows stretch all across the floors, reaching toward the door. TJ’s cold; his feet in particular. They’re rather unhappy with him, leaving them to fend for their own on his hardwoods. His stomach growls. He doesn’t remember the last time he ate. 

An unexpected knock on the door, usually, would startle TJ. Tonight, it just makes him stare at it. 

“TJ?! TJ, please, open up! It’s me! It’s Steve!”

For a moment, TJ wonders if maybe he’s dreaming. It’s possible he just slumped over and fell asleep. But the knocking turns into non-stop rapping.

“TJ? Oh, baby, please open the door!” 

This time, TJ stands. Maybe Steve’s come to call it quits in person. The idea cracks his heart in two. 

TJ doesn’t know why, but he checks the peephole just to make sure it really is Steve out there, ready to take his half of TJ’s heart. He unchains the lock and opens the door just to have Steve throw himself at him. One second TJ is opening the door, the next he’s swallowed by Steve’s embrace. 

“Oh, god, baby, don’t ever scare me like that again,” Steve says, pressing his lips right to the top of TJ’s head. He sounds like he’s crying. “Please. Promise me.” 

“I… I promise?”

He’s not exactly sure what he’s promising. TJ hasn’t even thought to hug Steve back. All he does is stand there while Steve hugs the breath out of him. For a really long time, too. When Steve finally breaks away, he doesn’t go far. Those big, strong hands frame his face, gently. Sure enough, there’re tears in Steve’s eyes. 

“Steve,” TJ whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m so--”

“Wait, wait.” Steve shakes his head. “We can talk about that later, first I need to know that you’re okay.” He starts fussing over him. Guides his head from side to side. Touches his arms. Places his hands at his waist. “You’re okay? Right? You’re not hurt?”

“Hurt?” TJ repeats. “No, I’m not… why would I be…” 

“You said.” Steve’s voice cracks. “You said _goodbye_. I thought… I…” Steve abruptly pulls him back into his arms. “Oh, TJ, I thought I was going to lose you.” 

“What? Steve, I don’t understand.” 

Steve is crying harder now. He wipes at his eyes and looks at him again. 

“You said _goodbye_ in your last message. I wasn’t… I didn’t think… but I wasn’t sure…”

“You thought I was going to do something bad,” TJ guesses. That hurts, yes, but it really shouldn’t be all that surprising. Of course Steve would jump to that. TJ’s guilty of every reason that leads to such a conclusion. “I didn’t.”

“No, but…” Steve sighs and looks around. “You aren’t taking care of yourself. It’s freezing in here. And you’re in the dark. Do you eat today?” 

Lip trembling, TJ admits the truth by shaking his head. He can’t get the words out. Even after everything, Steve’s rushed here to take care of him. 

“Listen to me, TJ,” Steve says, cupping his chin so that TJ can’t look down. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I guess you didn’t see the news today.”

“The news?”

“It’s on just about every channel. There was a commotion in New York. I had to be there with the Avengers to help. That’s all. I promise you. That’s all.” 

“So you’re not… leaving me?”

“Oh, baby.” Steve wraps him in his arms again. “No. Of course not. We just had a fight. That’s all. I’m right here. I don’t plan on being anywhere else.” 

TJ’s heart, which just a few minutes ago he thought would never be whole again, blooms with wonder and awe. Steve really isn’t leaving.

“I’m sorry,” TJ whispers into Steve’s chest. “I’m so sorry. Please, don’t be mad at me. I’ll work on it, I swear, I will. I’ll be better.”

“TJ, I don’t need you to be better,” Steve says. “I just need you to talk to me when you’re feeling scared. Or anything. You can tell me. We’ll work on it. Okay?”

Not moving away from his embrace, TJ nods. “Okay.”

“I know you’re gonna need help with that. So I’ll do the best I can, too.”

They stand there for a long time. Just wrapped in each others’ arms just outside of TJ’s door. The only light they have is coming in through the door because the hall lights are on. TJ lets loose some tears. After a few minutes, Steve moves only to close the door and flick the lights on. 

“TJ, sweetheart, come sit down. Let's get you warmed up.” 

Now that he’s calmed down a bit, the cold really hits TJ hard. If Steve says it’s freezing, it must be worse than he thought. Steve leaves the room just to get some blankets. With the blankets, he brings socks and a sweatshirt. One of his that he left one night. Not only has Steve gotten these things, but he also puts them on TJ. Kneels down in front of him to slide the socks on. Gently pulls the sweatshirt over his head. Tops it all off by wrapping the cozy blanket around his shoulders. 

“There we go,” he says when he’s finished. “Better?” 

TJ nods. Better. Much better. 

“I’m gonna order us some food. How does Chinese sound?”

Tightening the blanket around himself, TJ nods again. Asks, soft and meek, “Can I… can I have eggrolls?” 

The tone of voice he uses, the words he’s picked… TJ’s certain that Steve will understand what he’s craving in this moment. All he’s really left off is the _sir_. By the look on Steve’s face, he’s picked up on it just fine. His eyebrows lift just slightly. He holds his breath. His lips twitch. 

“One eggroll,” he decides for TJ. “I want you to have something more substantial than just eggrolls.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Steve pets a hand over TJ’s head before placing an order. A big one, too. TJ’s plate is sure to be full when he makes it for him. 

“Warm enough, now?” 

“I’m okay.”

In response to his answer, Steve takes one of the throw pillows and drops it onto the floor. TJ’s pulse picks up.

“Good.” He points to the pillow. “You can keep the blanket, but I want you kneeling right there.” 

If it was at all possible, TJ’d think someone’s come in and made his body weightless. Just from that alone. A breeze could knock him over. This doesn’t take a breeze. Steve’s words are good enough and TJ slides off the couch to kneel just like he’s been told. 

Once he’s down there, Steve takes off his belt. But instead of lowering his pants or even lowering the zipper, Steve uses the belt to secure TJ’s hands together. 

“Look how beautiful you are,” Steve says. “You like that, huh? Being mine.” 

“Yes,” TJ murmurs and tries to suck on Steve’s thumb when he skims his thumb along his lip. “Yes, sir. I love being yours.” 

You want something in your mouth, huh?” First licking his lips, TJ nods. Steve takes out his semi-hard cock and feeds it to him. “Okay. Just keep it warm for me, sweetheart. Okay?”

With Steve’s cock now in his mouth, TJ sighs dreamily and nods.

“Good boy. I love you being mine, y’know,” Steve replies. “I want you to be mine, TJ. Because I love you.” 

A whimper rolls of TJ’s tongue. He’s floating. Somewhere bright and warm. With Steve’s love caressing him. Holding him. Keeping him safe. He flicks his eyes, glistening with tears, up at him. Finds a warm, happy smile on Steve’s face. 

“Shh,” he says, skimming his knuckles across TJ’s cheek. “It’s okay. I know, baby. I love you, too.” Steve wipes away the tear that slips from the corner TJ’s eye. “Once I have you fed, I’m going to take you inside and kiss every inch of your body until your trembling.” 

TJ’s eyes fall closed just imagining such a thing. He hums around Steve’s cock and smiles. Steve goes on petting him. Whispers sweet nothings. Tells him more about what he intends on doing with him later. Checks on his comfort.

TJ drifts to sleep with Steve's cock in his mouth and his warm, honeyed voice tickling his ear.

***

Steve makes good on having TJ trembling. TJ’s not sure how long he’s been at it but after he stripped him down and used his belt to tie his arms to the bed frame, he’s taken his time grazing kisses all over the place. Anywhere at any time. He’ll kiss the curve of his throat and then the edge of his waist and then between his nipples. TJ never knows where his lips will end up. Except for the one spot he needs it most.

”Oh, god,” TJ sobs. “Please… sir, please…” 

“Not yet,” Steve whispers as he kisses behind TJ’s ear. “You can hold out a little longer. Be a good boy.”

TJ throws his head back in pure, unadulterated want. Tears fall into the pillow. He’s crying in earnest now and Steve hasn’t touched him any more than with his lips. But he needs to be good. He’ll be a good boy, he will.

Tremors shoot through his body, crawling up his spine and pooling in his stomach before they branch out like spiderwebs. All of his bones have turned to liquid. His brain to mush.

”Steve…” he whimpers. “Please…”

”Mm. Okay, sweetheart. You can come now.”

That permission is given along with one, long lick right up to the tip of TJ’s dick. It’s all he needs to be suddenly wrapped in blankets of ecstasy. TJ’s body tingles with every pleasure imaginable. He wants to shout his climax. It’s actually a very good possibility that he does, but all he knows at this moment is pure peace. 

When TJ can feel and see and hear again, he’s tucked under the blankets and in Steve’s arms. 

”You’re so good for me, TJ,” Steve is saying. “I love you so much.”

”Mmm. I love you, too, Steve.”

Steve chuckles. “Welcome back, you.”

”If this is what I get to wake up to, I’ll start waking up early.”

This one makes Steve snort, but he jostles TJ a little anyway and kisses the top of his head. Asks if he’s warm enough. Assures him that they can get up to get some more food. But for now, TJ’s just fine staying right where he is. Where Steve goes on telling him how much he loves him. How good he is. How proud of him he is. TJ’s not sure he believes all the wonderful things Steve’s saying about him, but when he yawns, he does tell him to try to get some more sleep before they get up to do anything else.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” Steve says. “I promise.”

That, TJ does believe. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to check me out on tumblr for more fun at [thebestpersonherelovesbucky](http://thebestpersonherelovesbucky.tumblr.com/) or pillowfort at [thebestpersonherelovesbucky](https://www.pillowfort.io/thebestpersonherelovesbucky%22) or twitter [thebestpersonherelovesbucky](https://twitter.com/thebestpersonh1)


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